Why the H2 should have been a classic

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch) 10/17/2013 at 16:50 • Filed to: Hummer, H2, HHFP

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!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! on why the H2 isn’t a classic and as much as I like to argue with him, he’s right; The H2 makes you look like a douche. Thing is, my full time 4wd DD gets about the same mileage (maybe a little better) and is as annoying to the Greenpeace as any H2, but its pretty well loved or ignored by the bulk of people. Why? Well without going into it too much I’m going to say just this one thing: GM doesn’t know how to design cars.

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They can engineer a great car, and they are actually quite good trucks, performance cars and finally passenger cars but in terms of design, they haven’t had a real winner for many many years (with rare exceptions). The main problem with the Hummer line was that it was “styled” to look like a real beast, instead of letting the best style itself as the original HMMWV did, and Jeep, and Toyota FJ for that matter; which just goes to show it can happen to anyone.

Here is a truth I’m going to lay down right now, if you want your 4x4 to be a classic, or even last on the market for a decade, please put function first and make it so we can see out of it please.

Anyway, I don’t want to dwell on the poor styling of the H2, the social problems it’s been saddled with or any of that, I want to talk about the part that interests me; the engineering.

GM was actually pretty on the ball in terms of what they needed to make a great off road vehicle. First, lets start with a list of what makes a great off-roader, generously provided by !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

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The truncated list goes something like this:

1. Ground clearance
2. Protection
3. Angles
4. Articulation
5. Low end Torque
6. Gearing/torque multiplication
7. Tires
8. Locking differentials
9. Intelligent accessory/intake placement
10. Robustness
11. Visibility
12. Trailability (track to length)
13. Tow points/recovery
14. A robust frame

GM knew that it wasn’t going to be able to recreate the H1 to meet customer demands for comfort and cost and so it had to start where it could, using an existing platform, which isn’t such a bad thing; the excellent GMT800 platform is a great jumping off point. So lets start there:

The H2 had a fully welded 3 piece frame, the front and rear of which were hydrofromed for strength, the trans cross member became flat to reduce chance of hangup, and all the components are either flush with or inside the frame rails to allow the vehicle to slide on its rails without damage. I’m going to let it stand that the GM hydroformed frames are pretty well established as solid, long lasting and durable.

In addition, There are 5 skid plates, a 4mm thick aluminum sump guard, a ladder and tube type transmission guard that was designed to support the vehicles weight in the even it got hung up, a steel cantilever transfer case guard, frame mounted rock sliders strong enough to support the vehicle to protect the body and a thick plastic gas tank guard with composite tank.

The frame was designed specially with angles in mind a max approach angle of 39.7 degrees, a departure angle max of 43.6 and a breakover of 25.8. Nearly as good or better than a 2014 Wrangler Rubicon (44.3 A, 40.4 D, 25.3 BO) this is exceptional with a 122 inch wheelbase, which allows for a smoother and more stable ride.

The chassis was also designed for large wheel travel, and articulation. And while the RTI ( !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! ) was only ~400 stock, it was better than the H1 and fairly competitive among vehicle with IFS. In addition to rock crawling and overlanding, the designers pictured the H2 as a sort of raptor of its day, giving it long travel, large diameter shocks with secondary bump stops built into the shocks to make bottom out events smoother and less damaging. Also optional was a self leveling ride height adjustable rear air suspension which not only provided better ride, but could raise the rear of the vehicle 2 inches, load up the suspension to compensate for weight, or lower the vehicle at highway speeds.

Low end torque? Well GM knew they were never going to sell this with a diesel engine, for one it wouldn’t fit and two they didn’t think their customers would trade the lack of power for the durability and torque of a diesel, but the gas engines did fine in the power department (from 360 ft-lbs to 415 ft-lbs) at the expense of fuel economy, which wasn’t really an issue.

The first models used a GM 4L65E 4 speed with a low 3.06 1 st and a 4.10 final, combined with a 2.64 transfer case reduction gave it a 33:1 crawl ratio. Given the amount of torque on tap, it was plenty of gearing to get the job done.

To get it all to the ground it came stock with 315/70R17 BF Goodrich AT tires, 34.5 inches in diameter these were big, wide and got the job done. I’m trying to think of any vehicle that had bigger AT tires fitter from the factory…

Also available was an eaton eLocker with LSD capability for added traction pretty much exactly what you get from a modern Range Rover.

And if that still didn’t work there were built in tow hooks rated for 9000 lbs front and back, and a 2 inch integrated frame mounted receiver on the front and back of the vehicle that was designed to accommodate a 9000 lb winch, no additional bracing necessary. If you opted for the off road package you also got an air compressor for the air suspension that had outputs for tire inflation as well as rims specially designed for extended periods of low tire pressure without de-beeding.

Alas, we come to the crux of it all, the visibility. The H2 was a pillbox, and that by design, which made it impossible to see out of, gave it strange proportions and a design that did not age well.  The interior is straight from GM’s darkest hours and the overwrought elements look downright childish now.

A lot of this applies to the equally well thought out but similarly flawed H3, which was also doomed.

Lets be honest, we don’t like the H2; its ugly, its slow its guzzles fuel and it makes you look like, well, a douche.

But it wasn’t the engineers fault, all they wanted was a great off road vehicle using the best of what they had to work, can we really fault them for that?

Info and pictures from !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

FJ80WaitinForaLSV8 > HammerheadFistpunch 10/17/2013 at 17:18

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I would give you that slow clap GIF if it didn't creep the shit out of me.

Bird > HammerheadFistpunch 10/17/2013 at 17:20

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I only disagree with one thing you said. That it won't be a classic.

It will because of how crazy it is. It doesn't have to be universally loved when it was new. Hell, lots of cult classics were universally hated. It just needs to make a statement.

Give it 15 years. The new hipsters will be driving old Hummers.

HammerheadFistpunch > Bird 10/17/2013 at 17:21

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I think the off road niche market is going to love them in 15 years, but thats about it.

Bird > HammerheadFistpunch 10/17/2013 at 17:23

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You may be right. Maybe only the off road crowd will love them.

But I see them making a more mainstream re-appearance though...just a feeling.

HammerheadFistpunch > Bird 10/17/2013 at 17:25

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They did with the 80 series. They are hot stuffs right now.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > HammerheadFistpunch 10/17/2013 at 17:28

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I think the H2's biggest flaw off road is that it is just too heavy. It has a curb weight of 6614 lb. That is 2000lbs heavier than my Disco with all it's off road accessories. Could you see yourself breaking a tie rod end just doing this?

HammerheadFistpunch > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. 10/17/2013 at 17:31

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yeah, its a big ass truck, buta uz100 land cruiser is about 5600 lbs stock and with new bumpers, sliders, suspension and tires, its nearly the same weight.

Bird > HammerheadFistpunch 10/17/2013 at 17:37

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I saw one of those the other day done very nicely. Couple inch lift, great rack, looked ready to take on whatever the desert threw at it out here. I worked for a guy that used to have one. I loved the way it drove.

I think the Hummer will have wider appeal, because it had that wide appeal when it came out. The same type of people that wanted that statement piece when it was new will want it for the same reason in 15 years.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > HammerheadFistpunch 10/17/2013 at 17:41

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That they are, when I was up in Maine this summer we had a guy with a uz100 and when ever he went into a bog he just sank, he had M/T's and a rear locker so most of the time he just plowed his way through. There was one bog that he just couldn't get through and I ended up being winch bitch for him, I was literally up to my waste in mud. I got my revenge though, I went through afterwards towing a guy with a D1 on balding street tires without getting stuck and all because we didn't sink as deep.

Doug DeMuro > HammerheadFistpunch 10/17/2013 at 17:49

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Definitely can't fault the engineers - I totally agree. They did very, very well with what they had. And honestly, you can't fault the marketers either - they did an amazing job and took advantage of the prevailing attitude towards Hummer at the time, which was: "This is so cool." You also can't fault the people for buying into everything the marketers and engineers gave them.

The simple truth is that the failure came due to mass media singling out this car as the evil one. It was easy to do because they sold a ton of them, they were all yellow, and they had their own brand, unlike, say, the G-Wagen which was just one low-volume model. Once mass media clamped on, and gas prices shot up, GM was screwed.

It's funny - this is a RARE example of a GM failure where GM itself didn't really screw up anything.

HammerheadFistpunch > Bird 10/17/2013 at 18:06

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That one above is mine. Still debating a 2 inch lift, doesn't seem that necessary to be honest....well other than to get the body and bumper a little higher off the ground.

Bird > HammerheadFistpunch 10/17/2013 at 18:27

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That's a nice looking truck! They do sit pretty high stock.

HammerheadFistpunch > Bird 10/17/2013 at 18:29

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with the 33's i just put on there (no lift, no rub) im at ~12 inches of clearance, or 2 more than the H2

Milky > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. 10/17/2013 at 18:35

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Another reason to love the Rubicon ...

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > HammerheadFistpunch 10/17/2013 at 19:19

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Yeah, but Doug wrote a book.

HammerheadFistpunch > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/17/2013 at 19:22

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Who says I haven't? It's called how to win arguments without ever trying

Its an eBook.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > HammerheadFistpunch 10/17/2013 at 19:25

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Now available in paperback, it's being shipped to me.

911e46z06 > HammerheadFistpunch 10/18/2013 at 04:22

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Nice write up man. As a function over form kind of guy, I never thought the H2 deserved its bad rap. I rode along in one for some pretty serious off-roading and was thoroughly impressed. Too bad they were so attractive to so many different types of douches.

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > HammerheadFistpunch 10/18/2013 at 12:32

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very good write up sir. I'll admit when the H2's came out I was the same as every other 18 year old. I loved it and I wanted one it was like a big tonka truck. to be honest I still love the H2 but I could never own one I could not afford the fuel bill and I can do without the hate associated with Hummer in general.

When I was 19 I worked in a Pontiac Dealership washing the used cars then one day a used Yellow H2 came in and they had me deliver it to another dealership. I never felt as happy as I did driving the H2 than anything else I drove prior. I felt like a total rockstar.

Back then people were not as environmentally conscious now when I see one I feel the same as everyone else "what a wasteful vehicle"

now 28years old I'm perfectly happy with my Ford Fusion 1.6L Ecoboost

HammerheadFistpunch > Milky 10/18/2013 at 16:15

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4500 lbs, itsn't svelt, but I guess in comparison to an h2. Though try towing 7200 lbs with a wrangler.

Milky > HammerheadFistpunch 10/18/2013 at 17:24

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I was more referring to the solid axles .... Dana 44s are pretty damn stout.

HammerheadFistpunch > Milky 10/18/2013 at 17:31

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Ah, gotcha. I've kind of got the best of both worlds, 4800 lbs dry, but with a 9.5" full floating rear and 9 front, They are typically compared to Dana 60's in strength.

Ted Ladue > HammerheadFistpunch 10/24/2013 at 10:12

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Great post. I'm one of those who dismissed the H2 because of the super-high douche factor, and despite being thoroughly impressed by the thought, passion and engineering they put into it, I have a hard time overcoming that. I'll work on it.

I do realize I'm being hypocritical and call myself out on it when my inner self says "look at that douche" and then I realize I'm in my FZJ80 on 35's is just as bad or worse.

I do think, though, that the H2 will someday become a classic.

HammerheadFistpunch > Ted Ladue 10/24/2013 at 11:28

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3 inch lift for the 80? Im on 33's with stock height.

GrauGeist > HammerheadFistpunch 10/24/2013 at 16:40

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Yup. IMO, the factory H2 is a great vehicle. If I were offroading & camping with the family, I see nothing wrong with it. It's got good space for cargo, and very good offroading capability. Get the optional winches and tow gear, and I think the H2 is nigh unstoppable.

Too bad the haters had a field day with it.

Matthew Hogan > Bird 10/24/2013 at 17:00

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This seems more plausible than hard core off roaders picking up used H'2s. It is far more expensive to mess with the IFS on the H2 than to just pick up a full size pickup and lift it. This reason alone will keep his vehicle what it always was, a niche vehicle, even in the comparatively small world of off road use.

Matthew Hogan > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. 10/24/2013 at 17:02

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THIS. Our local Jeep club was asked to come out and help the local Hummer dealer back in the day. They had an off road event for customers at a private off road park. They needed help with recovery. So many jokes...

Ted Ladue > HammerheadFistpunch 10/25/2013 at 08:43

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The 35's actually "fit" with no lift. Of course there is a little rubbing on flexing, so it now does have a 3" OME lift.

Curt Styler > HammerheadFistpunch 10/31/2013 at 16:49

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Thank you for this article. As a H3 owner, it's nice to see someone point out some of the real true engineering that went into the Hummer line up.

Also, there are conversions for the H2 that swap in a Duramax engine. The result is everything great about the H2 but with the torque and mileage of a diesel. Just wish GM would have made them that way from the start.

Now if you will excuse me.

It's raining out and there's mud to be had.

HammerheadFistpunch > Curt Styler 10/31/2013 at 16:54

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H3 is great from the chassis down, I just wish they would let you see out of it.

Mau_Ferrusca > HammerheadFistpunch 08/01/2014 at 12:39

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I absolutely love the Tonka toy looks on these bad boys.

HammerheadFistpunch > Mau_Ferrusca 08/01/2014 at 12:41

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They certainly have their fans. im not one of them. Im mostly mad because its a killer vehicle with a style that limits their functionality.

Vonmomma > HammerheadFistpunch 04/18/2015 at 20:59

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I don't care if you think I look like a douche... I LOVE mine! So call me Mrs Douchebag when I push you off the road! Lol

HammerheadFistpunch > Vonmomma 04/18/2015 at 21:51

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more power to you, my philosophy is that there are two people that care about what I drive:

1. Me

2. Everyone else, and I don’t even like most of these people so what do I care what they think?

FOOTFXR52 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 01/18/2019 at 00:40

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Yeah, but doug IS a douche!